Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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