I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize