our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He did a backflip because drugs
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
