i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
