the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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