My Higher Power is John Stamos
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
