I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
