The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
foreskin is a definite game changer
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
