There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Randomize
