i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
