i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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