I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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