I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
please come you make the beer taste better
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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