I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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