it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
