Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
