just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
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i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
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How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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