He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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