well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
