I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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