Swine flu. Run for my life!
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
