Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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