I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I am never drinking with the goths again.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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