I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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