He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
