why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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