She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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