why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
