So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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