she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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