So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
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Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
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Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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