So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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