are you still at the devil's house?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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