I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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