Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
