Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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