Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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