I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
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The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
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