If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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