if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
