Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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