Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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