"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
