im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
