Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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