Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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