I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
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Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
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She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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