Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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