you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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