I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
