I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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