2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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