drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Farmville is her only friend.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
