38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
