Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
