I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
