i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
