You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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