its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
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There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
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You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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