oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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